[	mood	|	crushed	]
[	music	|	i am trying to break your heart, Wilco	]

there was a little girl on tv today ...her name was Dylan and she had crooked teeth and that made her sad....she says shes gettin braces in Jan. I just thought it was sad when she said she hated her smile with tears in her eyes....i know how that is.

MY CAR GOT WRECKED ....not by me though, so yeah im pissed off,at least its getting fixed tomorrow but the point is that I have been without a car for 2 weeks and  my luck over x-mas break

oh and I HAVE TO GO TO TRIAL in Feb. because of that whole Ashlee ordeal. wish me luck ( i could have "contributing to the delinquency of a minor" on my record, and a court fine of 175$) all i did was pick this girl up and take her to a friends house and left ( she claimed she was 19 and on top of that i didnt know she was sneaking out) her parents didnt even press the charges on me its just the gay horn lake officers want to fuck with me

my mouth really hurts and i can't go to the dentist untill i get better ( i have a hardcore cold)

so i have had a really shitty christmas just in case any of you wanted to know how it went ...so there you go happier holidays to you .....I hope

[	mood	|	annoyed	]
[	music	|	anything on white ladder by David Gray	]

I feel like everyone is tearing me in every direction possible......If i can't hang out with one friend one night they get all pissed off....honestly guys I am trying to give you all some time, quit being pissed off....especially since you all know that I LIVE IN A DIFF. STATE NOW , and its real TUFF....I mean i have work and school too and that is my main priorities right now....

My mom is being such a huge bitch today...shes the main one demanding my time, but the time i am with her all she can do is bitch about how im not here and i need to be better at this, that, whatever she can come up with.

I am cutting down on the time I spend with someone special right now. I just think that it's rude that he's not even thinking about the fact that my car could break down on me on the interstate.....wouldnt that be great!

Queen of the Dance of Appeasement

-Now you've made it impossible to better yourself. You sit in piles of maybe's or could-have-beens, and to this day I can't understand who I am, but I do know who I was, what I could still be now or there's that changing possiblity. All i want is to prosue the day with a fairness, and to be reached out for in the same way that I reach out for others.  My time is tangled in the webs of everyone else's dream, and seems to be "me"  is caught in all this trouble. Would I make u satisfied with my "Dance of complete and total Appeasement!"so here it comes pardon my too left feet---- Confusing bodys' tremble in the wind, Jaws are snapping at me and my mind cannot hold this maddness.

[	mood	|	disappointed	]
[	music	|	come pick me up, Ryan Adams	]

ThInGs ThAt MaDe Me Cry FoReVeR, came again to me once in a dream, in a kiss, never to be bothered with the thoughts evermore.

[	mood	|	drunk	]
[	music	|	bartender, Dave Matthews Band	]

Everything lately has been more disappionting....I've been drinking more often again. Mississippi is starting to make me tenderly sick.

but i still love music....at least it loves me back when no one else does....

"I think it should be tarted up, made into a prostitute, a parody of itself. It should be the clown, the Pierrot medium. The music is the mask the message wears - music is the Pierrot and I, the performer, am the messenger."

-David Bowie on the purpose of music

[	mood	|	high	]
[	music	|	sugar will, Dave Matthews Band	]

I woke up late today so i didnt get to work till 5:30 ...lol No one got pissed though...so that rulez!

I am so off tommorrow an imma go see will an I can't wait!!! Hes so awesome...

Being on a schedule sucks...I am really tired of people trying to make me grow up...i am not taking any of this well either. Sorry I don't have the drive to be an asshole business woman like it seems everyone else is doing, I'm just trying to get my own life together.

[	mood	|	drunk	]
[	music	|	jed's other poem, Grandaddy	]

I went and voted .....yesterday and it doesn't even matter because we still have the same old stupid guy runnin things round "Merica."

There are 2 really redneck chicks @ school tryin to give me a hardtime....the bastards. They wear Dixie Outfitters like Ralph Lauren....really weird.

Went to Nathan's in Midtown today, it's really fun hangin out over there. Those guys all have great personalities. I swear I could laugh for hours hearing them talk about beating up the "white scavenger" (the crazie junkie bum that hangs around the block)

will brought me a card today it says "We got together like peanut butter and jelly, You're sweet, and I'm stuck on you!" It's so corney its cute! LOL!

[	mood	|	sick	]
[	music	|	cowboy dan- modest mouse	]

i swear that stupid boy that sits behind me got me sick.... lets beat him up

.....whos with me...anyone?....anybody...???

[	mood	|	busy	]
[	music	|	black cadillacs, modest mouse	]

"I will myself...to walk this world without you.

I will see the rabbit in the moon and the man's eyes will always be on you."

Dave wrote this for my mom....I don't ever want to fall in love. It's too damned complicated! I mean why whould you say this to someone who doesn't have that same appeal or even "shine" (as the asshole puts it) to bring you home everyday to the same person.

I love yes...but i have yet to fall in it, and if I do I fear it will be a very dirty fall.

[	mood	|	crazy	]
[	music	|	i have seen it all, bjork and radiohead	]

i think im going crazy....no seriouslee. Everythings the same otherwise....school sucks....the people in Ms. suck and to top the cherry off i keep running into an Ex....no good.

Miss Risley hates my guts...haha.  I make it no easier on myself though, i cant help it im a rebellious teenager! BLAH!

<sarcasm mode off>

now onto more important things: I AM AN ALCHOLIC!!!

anyways

me and will had a very nice time in hot springz!!! hes a sweetie